


[Insert Heart-Wrenching Romantic Title Here]

by Kekker



Category: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon)
Genre: Adorabat is here too for like 0.3 seconds, Crack, Cursed content, I dont regret writing this and I will do it again., M/M, This entire thing was painful to write, When will the sweet release of death take me from this mortal realm, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 11:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20339512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kekker/pseuds/Kekker
Summary: So this is a story all about how Pinky and Mao Mao discovered the true meaning of love, wow.





	[Insert Heart-Wrenching Romantic Title Here]

**Author's Note:**

> Ahahahaha, I'm not funny. Why did you click this

This is a story of a love that transcends space and time. It's a tale of an epic romance that lasts forever onwards, between an anthropomorphic cat OC from the Warriors books with daddy issues and some pink rhino thing. Together, they discover the true meaning of love and trust. And it starts… with a crime…

Ah yes. There's an enormous pile of red roses littering the streets of Pure Heart Valley. Mao Mao, our lovable protagonist, can't just let the perpetrator slide- even if catching the criminal sacrifices his precious ice cream time.

Mao Mao gaze drifts to his delectable strawberry ice cream treat, glistening enticingly in the light of the morning sun. 

Well.

He can't just let it go to waste. He already paid for it anyway.

"So…" Badgerclops took a casual bite of his sundae, nodding his head towards the crime scene. "Are you gonna deal with that, or-?"

Mao Mao swallows the ice cream cone whole. "Yes." 

After parting ways with Adorabat and Badgetclops, Mao Mao finds himself following the suspicious trail of ruby red flower petals all throughout town. The perpetrator was almost embarrassingly sloppy with the get-away part of committing the crime, the cat notes. Mao Mao is sure the trail will lead right to the culprit. 

"Hey!" 

Mailmole startles so badly the letters fly out of his hands and scatters along the sidewalk. He doesn't appear to be too pleased about it, but Mao Mao really could care less.

"Do you know anything about this?" The Sheriff asks aggressively, gesturing to the petals leading to the house in front of them.

"No." Mailmole says, adjusting his skewed hat with a hint of annoyance. "What would I know about a bunch of flowers on the ground? I'm just delivering the mail."

Mao Mao narrows his eyes at him. Fine. It's decent alibi, he supposes. The Sheriff quickly observes the area, from the petals leading into the suspiciously wide open door to the soft scent of jasmine and oddly enough, butter wafting from inside. "Who's house is this?" He demands.

By now, Mailmole has gathered all of his letters off the ground. He glares at the Sheriff. "What would I know about who lives here?" He says. "I'm just delivering the mail."

Mao Mao begins to refute that he should know all about who lives here, being the mailman and all, but Mailmole already has his back turned to leave. 

He scowls. There's time for this. Who knows when the culprit will strike next?

Mao Mao enters the house. He has the sudden urge to compliment the obnoxiously pink decorations littering the house. Whoever lived here had very good taste.

"I'm glad you think so." The most perfect being on the fucking planet casually breaks the fourth wall as he turns in his comfortable spinny chair. "So how are you doing babe?" Pinky smirks, the epitome of coolness. "I've seen you've made it to my…" he licks his juicy, plump lips. "...Chamber of Lovin'."

"Wha-?! B-Babe?!" Mao Mao short-circuits, as he is unable to process the stream of the romanticisms spewing from Pinky moist and gorgeous mouth. "W-What? What?"

"Come, sit down." Pinky drawls, tracing the edges of the table with his stubby little stump. 

Mao Mao doesn't know what possesses him to comply. The chair is small, but surprisingly comfortable he concludes as he sits across from the physical manifestation of the word sexy. "W-Why," Mao Mao is still reeling from the absurdity of the situation. He swallows, unable to keep eye contact with Pinky's intense gaze. His eyes are trained just above his head to at least keep up the pretense. "Why did you-"

"Shshshsh." Pinky says, placing his pink stump over Mao Mao's mouth. The Sheriff is frozen to the spot, which is odd since his face feels like its on fire. "You don't need to be nervous, babe."

Mao Mao somehow burns even brighter at the pet name. "I-"

"Shshshshshsh!" Pinky pushes his stump a bit more.  
"Let me speak!"

Mao Mao listens.

Pinky never does get to speaking. However, he does pull out an old pink colored saxophone from behind him (how???), and honks out a few grating notes. It's only after a couple of seconds that Mao Mao notices what he's trying to do.

"Are you- Are you playing Careless Whisper right now?"

Pinky doesn't dignify that with a response.

As Mao Mao listens to Pinky's…. romantic saxophone solo, he tries to comprehend what exactly is happening.

Alright. From the beginning. This entire issue started with a littering of flower petals discarded right in front of the ice cream parlor he, Badgerclops, and Adorabat visit on Saturdays at exactly 8:15 in the morning. Mao Mao lifts a stray petal from the table and scrutinizes it. Upon closer inspection, the petals seem to be from a red rose. Red roses are typically known as the flowers for… love and romance. Pinky had been anticipating his arrival to call him embarrassing pets names and play the cheesiest, most romantic song the world has ever known.

The entire crime was a set up to get him to come here so that Pinky could…

What exactly was his motivation here?

Was Pinky somehow aware of Mao Mao's feelings for him, and was making fun of him for it? It would make sense… there was no conceivable way a creature that handsome and kind could ever reciprocate Mao Mao's pathetic feelings for him…

...but little did the Sheriff know...

Pinky props his foot up on the table so that he could raise the bell of the saxophone to the ceiling as he belts out the final long note. It cracks at least 18 times before he rips it from his mouth and tosses it behind him. "So?" He pants for a moment.. "Did you like it?"

"I know what you're trying to do." Mao Mao says darkly.

Pinky looks unfazed. "I thought it was obvious."

"Oh, it was obvious, alright. You set up this whole thing just to make fun of my feelings for you, didnt you?!" Mao Mao slams his fist on the table, his heart pounding painfully in his chest. "Admit it!"

"No." Pinky says matter-of-factly. "I brought you here 'cause I wanted you to be my boyfriend."

"Aha! I knew I- what." Mao Mao short-circuits for the second time that morning. 

"Why else would I play the most cheesiest romantic song the world has ever known? That obviously means I like-like you." Pinky says placing his stump over Mao Mao's fist. "What do you say?"

What does he say? What does he say? 

Mao Mao honestly doesn't know. He's feeling so warm and fuzzy inside it's clouding his normal train of thought. It's almost enough to snuff his doubts. Its so unfamiliar, but… but its so comfortable. It feels like all of his dreams were coming true (well, a large majority of them), and as he looked into Pinky's stunning eyes he could see endless possibilities of which, maybe… any of his fantasies could come true too.

His gloves curl around Pinky's stump. Hesitantly, he gives the Sweetypie an honest, fond smile. "I would...like that. To be your b-boyfriend." Mao Mao barely manages to finish his sentence, overwhelmed with such happy, ineffable emotions.

"Good."

The room lapses into a comfortable silence, where they both just sit there, getting familiar with each other's company. But after awhile, Mao Mao perks up as a realization pops in his head.

"Pinky,"

"Yes my love?"

Mao Mao nearly faints. He quickly shakes his head to regain his composure. "W-What's with the plates and cups?" He gestures to the set table, complete with a burning candle. "Is supposed to be a candlelit dinner? Or uh… breakfast?"

"Yeah." Pinky says, placing his other stump over Mao Mao's glove. He shrugs. "But I don't know how to cook, so I guess we'll starve."

"Oh." Mao Mao blinks. "Well. if that's all. You're under arrest."

Pinky looks shocked, as if he genuinely wasn't expecting the development. The fool. "Wait, but you're my boyfriend now!" He defends.

"Who still needs to do his job!" Mao Mao cackles as he whips out his handcuffs. "Littering is a crime."

And with that, Mao Mao handcuffs and dropkicks his new drop dead gorgeous pink boyfriend into a dog cage that he pulled out from behind his back. (how????????) "Now I can carry my boyfriend wherever I want!"

Pinky thinks about that.

"I guess I'm fine with it." 

Badgerclops and Adorabat don't say anything as Mao Mao happily returns with Pinky cramped in a dog cage. Instead, they exchange smug glances, knowing that this ship, is truly the One True Pairing. 

And this begins the beginning of the rest of Pinky and Mao Mao's life together. 5 years afterwards, they decide to get married. Mao Mao finally lets Pinky out the cage so they can do the ceremony. They go on a honeymoon in like uhhh fucking Las Vegas or something, and they have 18 babies together despite both of them being male. Don't question it. They just appeared one day in the bathroom sink.

Mao Mao eventually becomes a legendary hero, by curing the world of all diseases with just his presence alone. He never quite gets over his daddy issues, and after a while, they evolve into dad-doesnt-approve-of-my-unemployed-garbage-husband-issues, and then into mommy issues when the hero eventually realized that he wasn't just found in the bathroom sink like his children. Mao Mao figures his dad is just jealous because he's not even half as beautiful as Pinky is. Petty.

Pinky dies after 60 years in their happy marriage because he just does.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you hate this, because I sure do lol.


End file.
